2020-07-20 – Scum


I attended Sunday mass. A beggar walked into the church, begging for 20 bucks, probably for some booze or drugs. I told him I had no cash, and he proceeded to call me scum.

I had gone to Sunday mass to try to become a Christian, to learn more about Christianity and to adopt Christian values into my life, as I felt that the past years of my life had been morally empty and I was mostly free to go about my own sins and impulses without much restraint. As well as that, I also desire to find a community I can be a part of that is morally good. Past communities I have been a part of, even loosely, seemed to celebrate, even worship, moral degeneracy in various parts of their conduct. Even now, it still happens, and I am probably partaking in that too, to some extent. Perhaps I should change myself. Instead of actively hating others with morally ungood values and ideologies, I should wish for them to abandon those and adopt more morally good values. They will either choose to be mad at me and continue to suffer or to be enlightened and walk the good path. To avoid hypocrisy, I must also abide by what I speak. I have made a decision to not use profanity in my music anymore, as that is one step to the path of degeneracy, as it teaches others to use the same degenerate words. I have no control over others. I can only influence. Life is difficult.



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